Nothing ever feels the same anymore, I seem to get mad and upset and the smallest things now for no reason and I have no clue, I know this isn’t how you’d want me to act and I do apologize for it. I just hate the fact that you’re not here anymore, life seems so dull without your corny jokes and the advice you gave me to keep my head and to keep focusing on my goals and not to worry if someone hurt me, and to always look to God when things get tough. This is how I’ve always been when losing someone so close, I just fall into a deep dark depression and close everyone out, even though I know it’s best to surround myself with others, because they might be able to help me cope. However, I just, I don’t even know, if anything will help it would be time, but life has shown me that time, sometimes doesn’t heal all, I hold on for to long, when I know letting go would help. Eventually I might be able to accept the fact I won’t be able to hang out with you until we meet up again in Heaven, but I’ll do my best to smile, I’ll do my best to work towards my goals, I’ll do my best to live my life in the way you would be proud of me and to be proud to call me your friend, and I’ll do my best to always cherish the little things and to love those that have walked into my life, and to show them the beauty of life that you had shown me.
It’s been 4 days now of being restless, just reminds me so much of how I was when I heard the news of losing my grandfather, even though it’s been 3 years now since then, but I still hurt and having you gone now hurts even more. I’m doing my best to hold on to the memories I have of you and to smile more each day. I’ll try to get some rest now, even if it’s like 7 AM. I keep squeezing the bear I have where you say Dang it Bobby, and “How do you record?” I wish I could hear you say it in person, but this will be the best it’ll get.
Of all the Daisies that bloomed I’m glad I picked you
I wasn’t expecting anything like this to happen, most of all I wasn’t ready or prepared at all to lose someone, with the way my parents are doing health wise, and my grandma having surgeries upon surgeries, I don’t know how to feel, I’m not the type of person to let things like this go so easily. I’m trying my best to not be at an all time low, and to smile and to conceal the pain that I feel right now, I don’t know if I should be mad, happy, sad, upset, but all I know is that I feel empty, I lost a very important part of me and it won’t ever be replaced. Knowing I won’t be able to see you or hear your voice anymore for the time being hurts so much, no more poke wars on fb and in person, no more piggy back rides, no more corny jokes, no more eating munchies especially your favorite crazy bread from Little Caesar’s 3 bags for $9 I’ll always remember that, no more eating like fatties at Ihop, no more late night reminiscing on the good ole days, no more car washes, no more shouting randomly when we see pandas or domos, no more calling one another our nick names, no more creating memories to tell our families once we got older, no more you here next to us laughing and smiling, these next few days are going to be restless trying to accept that fact that you’re no longer with us, I know you won’t have to deal with anymore pain and you won’t have to see or hear anymore of the wrong things that go on in the world, just rest well and save a space up there for me and the guys, we’ll always love you Daisy and we’ll never forgot the imprint you left in our life.
Ever since mid semester I haven’t really been able to post about my days and things that have been going on in my life, due to how hectic 8 week semesters are and how many responsibilities I have within my house, now being on Spring Break I’d thought I’d have fun and relax. However, first day of break I get the worst call ever, I never thought this day would come so soon, I hope you make it through this sis, it’s way to early to lose you, we’ve known each other since elementary, you still have so much life in you and so many goals to overcome, keep fighting through this for all of us, I’ll be praying that you make it cause our 2nd family will never be the same without you.
BLEH! reblogged something then was sent all the way to the beginning -__-, I was on page 42!! Oh well, been really busy lately, school sure is getting to the hectic part of things and to think after these 8 weeks are up I’ll be starting 3 more course, so much fun. At least they’ll be cooking courses so, I’m more excited than anything. Finally a 3 day weekend though. Besides that I got an awesome surprise package today that made my week, so I’m happy, if only I had my camera to take a picture. Can’t really decide on a new lens or a speed light for my camera, but I might just save up for when I move.
